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A Play on Birds

So I think I am spending too much time in the garden as I’ve started personifying birds. It all started with a couple of cute starlings. Three or four of them decided to take a bath in our fountain. Then, they invited fifty of their closest friends to join them. During my research on how to get rid of them–no starlings were injured*–these random thoughts came to me.

Hawks – They are like royalty. Everything they do seems majestic whether it’s gliding on an air current or observing the world below them. It makes me think, if I come back as a bird, I want to be a hawk.

Crows – When a group of birds is called “a murder” you know they’re the mobsters of the backyard. I know they are flipping me a middle toe when I run outside and chase them away. As they fly down to the lower part of the backyard they caw “Let’s eat her f’ing figs.”

Starlings – These are the cult members of the backyard. They have big ass families, and they do everything together. Their leader gives some unseen command, and they know it’s time to bathe, time to fly, time to look for bugs, time to set down some roots and start a new religion.

Orioles – The theme song for orioles is “I’m Sexy and I Know It.” They are the movie stars; they stay around long enough for a photo op and off they go.

Blue Jays –Somewhere in little birdie playground being blue was uncool. So now, as grown up birds, blue jays are the bullies. “I eat first, then you. Got it?”

Doves – I love doves. They have the SoCal attitude down. They are the last birds to fly away when I go out to fill the bird feeders. I imagine them saying: “Dude, chill. It’s just the babelini with the seeds.”

Finches – Watching finches is like watching an episode of Glee– it seems cute for a few minutes and then it gets so annoying you want to barf.

Hummingbirds – This tiny bird has a huge problem with obsessive behavior. “Should I eat nectar here, no wait, maybe that one is better, no wait, how about this flower?” And with their high metabolism, they dart around like they are starving (which I’ve read is true).

And for all the parents watching their kids leave the nest for college, summer sure went by fast.

*Starlings are attracted to water. I had to empty out my fountain and wait them out. So far, so good. Hope to put the fountain back on in another week.