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I Swear

I Swear. I do. It was evident how much I do when I attended a production of “Sound of Music” last night at a local Christian school. The first act was extremely long. I leaned over to my friend, mother of the star of the show, and said: “Jesus, when is intermission.”

She replied something to the effect that if I wasn’t praying to Jesus for the answer, then I should be careful about what I was saying. Then I said: “Oh shit. I forgot.” And after laughing like a goof, I realized I swear a lot. Being in a place that frowns (putting it lightly) on profanity, I carefully weighed my words for the rest of the evening.

My cell phone is also censoring me. I used my voice recognition to say the sentence “make up your friggin mind.” It typed out “make up your f ****** mind. I didn’t even know friggin counted as a swear.

I guess my new favorite song, Thrift Shop, really tells it all. Here is the hook in the song that I love singing to:

I’m gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I – I – I’m hunting, looking for a come-up
This is f*****g awesome

I think to solve my problem I need to be around little children more, or go to church, or actually think before I talk. Wish me luck.

Song definitions if needed:
Hook is the part of the song that catches the ear of the listener
Poppin tags means buying clothes (you pop the price tag off when you get home)
A come up is an expression about gaining advantage, whether monetarily or whatever